Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
