Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
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