I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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