Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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