i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
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