The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it ðŸ˜
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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