eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
