I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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