Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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