I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Sext me about skeletons
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robitsâ€
Randomize
