It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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