your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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