did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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