How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
