Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
