I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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