My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
