Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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