If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
