have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
