..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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