But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
