You're so nebulous sometimes
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
