I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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