Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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