I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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