mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
