Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
