Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I wish I could teleport
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
