I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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