6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just blew my weed a kiss
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
