Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
