I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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