But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
