I wish I could teleport
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
