If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
