I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
