Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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