My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
