If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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