Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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