you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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