Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
