I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
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