While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
