Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
