okay pat passed out under dana's car
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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