I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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