I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
