U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
i now understand why vodka
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
