Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Your cock deserves a montage
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
