just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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