I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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