I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
