Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I know her cup size but not her name....
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