I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
