i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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