I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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