Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
