PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
