We named our party play list daddy issues
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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