it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
