how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
