Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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