make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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