So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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