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That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
