ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
