i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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