stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
