it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize