I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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