what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
This is my gift to your gina
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
