plz talk dirty to me
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
