There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
