Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
