Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
