I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
