hell yes lets make some ravioli
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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