I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
