I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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