I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
